Me: That’s right!  “Glue” starts with “G!”  Can you think of any other “G” words?

Boo: Galapagos.

Me: ?!? Where did you learn about that?

Boo: I made it up.

Me: It is the name of an island where they have lots of cool turtles and stuff.

Boo: Can we go there?

Me: I would love to, but it is very far away.

Boo: Is it in the Pacific Ocean?

Me: ?!?  It is!  Where did you learn that?

Boo: It was just a guess.

Me: You are very smart.

Boo: I know.

Me: Who else do we know that is smart?

Boo: [thinks]… Nani.

Me: That’s true. She knows a lot.  Who else?

Boo: Mom.

Me: You’re right.  She is one of the smartest people I know.  It’s one of the reasons I love her so much.  Anybody else?

Boo: …

Me: [fishing] Any boys?

Boo: Me.

Me: Of course.  You are very smart.

Boo: You.

Me: You think I’m smart too?

Boo: You’re not that smart.

To reiterate:  it isn’t necessarily that men don’t like the things on this list (ambivalence would be more accurate), it is just that women seem disproportionately fond of them.

1.  Maple Bars

Donuts are good.  Men love donuts.  Men almost never reach for the maple bars early, but women seem to look for them first, overriding even the well-documented urge for chocolate.

2.  Tostadas

Chicks dig tostadas.  Personally, I have always found them a little difficult to eat, although yummy, but women seem to really enjoy them.

3.  Butter Pecan Ice Cream

It’s alright, I guess, but women lose their mind over this stuff.  Again, surprisingly, not chocolate.

Now, this second set of items are ones that I am not as sure about.  Early returns are good, but I don’t have enough data yet to say definitively one way or the other.

4.  Krispy Kreme

Remember a couple of years ago when this crap was going to take over the West Coast?  I am so glad this failed in California.  My theory is that it is because only women like Krispy Kreme, and men are the ones that buy donuts.  Men have a special relationship with their local donut shop (see this earlier post on the subject) and it is one of the rare examples where large corporations have failed to push out the little guy, at least where I live.

5.  Chik-Fil-A

Chik-Fil-A serves high quality, fresh, and totally uninteresting chicken.  Unless you are a woman, in which case it rules.

6.  The Bourne Movies

This one is especially weird.  I mean, guys like them, but I know several women who think these are the greatest action movies ever – and it doesn’t seem to be a Matt Damon thing, either.  I dunno.

I welcome any interesting additions or observations that anyone might care to make.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/__NcpVJL4Iig/SN0rYAfatLI/AAAAAAAAAos/EmxnhR8VhBw/s400/haagen_dazs.jpg

Which he did.

I have never been one to keep a diary (or, since I am a man, a “journal” –   who are you kidding?  While we’re at it, that little bag you’re carrying is a purse, dude.) but the old blog here is standing in rather nicely.  I am starting to get the appeal.   It is rather phenomenal to me to trace the path of my job search, and see how closely it matches the trajectory of my house hunt.  As with almost everything important I have ever done, I am really glad that I don’t always get what I want.

.

Me: It is a tool a farmer uses, with a long handle like a shovel, and a big fork on the end.

Boo: No, no Daddy. Not the farmer’s tool… I mean the kind an angry mob uses.

1.  Duct tape

I know, I know – the obvious choice.  I put it first, so we could get it out of the way.  Still – you can fix a lot of crap with duct tape.  Earlier tonight, I took apart my broken cell phone and taped a busted component back into place because it was too delicate for me to solder.  Worked great.

Leatherman Juice S2 - this is the one I have, only mine is red

2.  Leatherman

For years and years, I was a die-hard Swiss Army Knife guy (Victornox only – Wengers are for losers) but there is simply no way to argue with having a pair of needle nose pliers at your disposal at all times.  I do wish it had tweezers, though.  Even Survivorman was won over – in the early episodes he has the familiar red knife, but in all of the more recent ones he has gone to a Leatherman.  If it is good enough for Les Stroud, it is good enough for me.

3.  Wikipedia

Haters gonna hate, but Wikipedia rules.  For all of the whining about inaccuracies and everything else, it is concise, thorough, and usually well referenced.  This is what Al Gore invented the internet for.  Well, maybe this too.

4.  The Joy of Cooking

How to cook everything.  Good, straightforward, simple, and delicious recipes.  I have a million cookbooks, but I never make anything without at least checking the Joy of Cooking, and often as not, I end up using its recipe.

5. Super Target

Honestly, other than gasoline, there is nothing that I purchase that I can’t buy at Super Target.  I am still not used to the layout, and so I often revert to my regular Target, but the allure of a full grocery section (in all of its retro Gemco glory) is starting to make me a full-time convert.

6.  Windows Hotkeys

CTRL-Z = Undo  CTRL-X = Cut  CTRL-C = Copy  CTRL-V = Paste  CTRL-A = Select All

There are many others, but I use all of these constantly, and they work in almost everything except AutoCAD.

7. Freezer Bags

Better than tupperware.  Great for marinating meat, storing flour when the paper bag breaks, transporting toiletries, storing crayons, piping frosting, rebagging tortillas, and lots more.  Also make great freezer bags.

8.  Pieces of wire

Toss-up here between paper clips and wire hangers, so I just split the difference.  I have fixed a lot of stuff with pieces of wire, and the poking, pulling, and mounting properties are pretty great, too.

9.  A cast-iron skillet

You can’t beat a well-seasoned cast iron skillet for making damn near anything.  I have a lot of fancy expensive pots and pans, and I use my $10 cast iron skillet 90% of the time.

10.  Hot sauce packets

They make everything taste better.  Del Scorcho was my favorite for a long time, and is still right up there, but I just discovered Tapatio in packets.  The center console of my truck is filled with these.  I was even able to eat the food at my grandparent’s retirement home thanks to my 92 year old Grandpa’s proprietary hot sauce blend (2/3 Tapatio, 1/3 Tabasco).

Also receiving votes:

Vise-grips, channel-locks, DVR, a stick, Wonder bar, Post-It Notes, random bits of crap I found in a parking lot, The Wind in the Willows, a hammer, Sharpies, a sturdy screwdriver, iPod

I am sure that someone will bring up the iPhone.  I would be more inclined to agree if:

1.  Everybody wasn’t always complaining about how their iPhone is broken

2.  I could afford one

It is completely inappropriate to respond to someone’s story about their child with a related story about your pet.  Example:

Parent: Billy had me up all night.  He just couldn’t stop crying.

Childless Pet Owner: Oh, my dog does that.

You have no children and you feel left out when people are talking about their kids?  Trying to relate?  Sorry, you just can’t.  Go procreate, or just smile and nod.   I know nobody wants to hear about other people’s children, but guess what – hearing stories about other people’s pets is even worse.

It is highly insulting to compare someone’s children to your animals, no matter how you feel about your pets.  Pets are not the same as children.  You wouldn’t shoot your daughter if she broke her leg at a track meet, and you would never cut off your son’s testicles to calm him down.  Keep your mouth shut, and don’t be a jerk.

Mr. Gabonay, circa 1990

“Don’t be a jerk.”

Case in point:  once, I had the class period directly following an incident in which an 8th grade student had nearly severed his thumb with the bandsaw.  Gabonay’s entire explanation and safety briefing?  “He was being a jerk.”  Genius.

I have decided to take this advice to heart, and expand upon the wisdom of Gabonay, making it applicable to everyday situations.  A sort of Talmudic response to an underappreciated master, if you will.  I hope to illuminate ways in which an otherwise decent and honorable person might mistakenly find them self being a jerk, and to help prevent it from happening again.

Today’s Lesson:

Don’t go to the movies on Christmas

Lots of basically good people do this every year without a second thought.  Don’t fool yourself – you are part of the problem.  You going to the movie theater on Christmas means all of those poor kids who work there for minimum wage have to leave their families and their homes and put on a plastic bow tie to serve you popcorn.  They can’t call in sick on Christmas, or they’d get fired.  Do you want that on your conscience?  Don’t be a jerk.

That being said, I am in remarkably good spirits about it all.  For one thing, the contact person that I spoke to on the phone was a real human being, and talked to me like I was one too.  Anybody that has been looking for a job recently knows how rare that is.   Mostly, though, it is because I have learned a few things.  I was rereading old blog posts from my house hunt, and thinking about how many times in my life I can be grateful that I did not get what I desperately wanted.  Deli Girl, house on Tranquila, UCSC – I’m talking to you.  If there is one thing that has been made obvious to me time and again, it is that there is a plan, and that I have no idea what it is.  Luckily for me, it was designed be Someone infinitely wiser than I am.  I will get a job, and it is going to be exactly what I need.  I believe that.

The other thing that I have learned is this:  Fine Arts degrees are for dopes.  My boys are going for hard sciences, or they are paying their own way.